David has been writing this over the past few days. It is too precious not to share. He is an incredible writer - so don't be disappointed when my writing returns!
Change.
This is the theme of life as we wrap up 2008 and welcome in 2009. Change seems to be everywhere. The weather is turning much colder, the economy is recessing, a new President (running his whole campaign on this one word by the way), and now this…They said it would come. Almost everyone I talked to commented on how my life was going to change. They said my time would no longer be my own.They said I would no longer be able to go out to eat. They said that I would no longer know what quiet was.It’s funny how people tell you all of this while laughing. I think they know what you are getting yourself into. They want to give you the heads up on what’s going to change in your life so you aren’t COMPLETELY surprised when it happens. As I’m sitting here finally home from the hospital I can’t help but reflect on how my life has changed already. I was prepared for what everyone said, but there were things that they did not tell me would change. Here are a few of the things that they missed…[Disclaimer: Some of the following may be a bit sappy, but bear with me. I’m not usually a sappy guy so I think it can be excused this once.]
How my love for Amy would change…
Whenever they took Amy back to have her C-section delivery, they made me wait for a few minutes in another room before I could come in. As I sat there waiting I couldn’t help but have thoughts of “what if I lost her?” I don’t know if it was that thought, or the fact that I had watched my wife struggle through labor for the last 14 hours, but I lost it. I couldn’t keep myself from weeping like a little baby. I felt helpless. I was reminded then just how much I loved her. I couldn’t imagine ever living life without her and just the thought of it was overwhelming. Fortunately everything went well and I didn’t have to worry too long. Watching her be a mother in the first few hours of our baby’s life made me appreciate all the more the reasons why I married her.
How my control over life would change…
I’m an organized guy. I like things in there place where I can find them. My DVDs are even arranged alphabetically in a nice cabinet (my friends like to rearrange them without me knowing to mess with me). I’m also a builder so alongside this partially OCD behavior is the confidence that I can fix anything that is broken… so I thought. The minute we got home from the hospital baby Kate came unglued. It’s funny how they are so quiet while you have nurses on call 24 hours of the day then they come home and WHAM! Welcome to reality Mr. Mitchell, you are the proud owner of a miniature tornado siren. We tried everything to calm her down, but apparently baby gas is incurable at times. Tears would soon follow as I realized how much I didn’t like trusting God as much as I thought I did. I’m convinced He does things like this to remind me how much I have to improve as well as forcing me to grab Amy by the hand and pray.
How my emotions would change…
Crying is not macho. You don’t see a man randomly crying and think, “There’s a manly guy.” We don’t like doing it. We feel like we’re not really men if we let water come out of our eyes. It’s a silly thing really if you think about it, but that’s just the way it is. I have come to find out that having a baby turns your emotion level up to 10 (I thought it was just the women that dealt with post-partum). Over the past few days I’ve had to embrace the fact that it’s ok if I need to let loose a little. I can even let Amy see it, as long as it’s been at least a year since the last time she saw me cry.
How my view of how God loves me would change…
“Jesus loves me this I know, for the bible tells me so…” We learn this song from the moment we are able to make words with our mouth. We grow up knowing God loves us. We quote AWANA verses expressing how much God loves us. We hear sermons in church or on TV all about how God loves us. I knew all the bible answers, but it didn’t really click until I held that little life in my own arms. I couldn’t help but think of how helpless she was. How for the next few months she wouldn’t even be able to feed herself. I didn’t love her for her ability to do things for me but simply because she was my daughter and I wanted to take care of her. What an amazing picture of how God must view me. In reality I am helpless. Helpless in knowing what is really best for me. Helpless in making my own heart beat. Helpless in my ability to save myself from sin. Not because of anything that I do for Him, but simply because I am His child… He loves me. These are just some of the major ways in which my life has changed. I would write them all but I would probably run out of space and you would be extremely bored. I tried to compress it down so that it was readable.
Before this ends, there are some people who I want to thank for all they did…
Jennie Coleman – For taking and posting so many great pictures from the hospital.
Justin Rector – For bringing me Chick-Fil-A to eat while Amy was in labor.
Daniel Bond – For offering to bring me Chick-Fil-A while Amy was in labor. Sorry I never got to take you up on all the offers for food.
Cody Terry – For taking me to Pizza King to get out of the hospital for an hour (sorry again Daniel).
Jim Johnson – For praying with us and for us at the hospital.
Amy’s parents – For doing anything that was left to do.
Carson Coleman – For providing the entertainment.
All our friends and family who visited us (and those that wish they could have).